teristimewa buat suamiku....

KU HARAP AKULAH YANG TERCANTIK DIHATIMU Assalamu'alaikum Warahmatullahi wabarakatuh *•Yaa Rabbi•*´¯)Ajarilah kami bagaimana memberi sebelum meminta,berfikir sebelum bertindak,santun dalam berbicara,tenang ketika gundah,diam ketika emosi melanda,bersabar dalam setiap ujian.Jadikanlah kami orang yg selembut Abu Bakar Ash-Shiddiq,sebijaksana Umar bin Khattab,sedermawan Utsman bin Affan,sepintar Ali... bin Abi Thalib,sesederhana Bilal,setegar Khalid bin Walid radliallahu'anhumღAmiin ya Rabbal'alamin. Tanpa kau kata ,aku tau kau mengasihiku, kerana kurasakan dari niat Istikharah dan Khitbahmu untuk menghalalkan rasa itu.. Tanpa kau ucap, aku tau kau merindukanku Kerana kulihat dari kesungguhan tekadmu mendapatakan Maharku dari hasil jerih payah dan tetes keringatmu. Tanpa untaian puisi, aku tau kau menyayangiku.. Kerana kudengar ada namaku dalam Ijab semata-mata mengharap keridhoan Allah. Tanpa kau bisikkan, aku tau kau mencintaiku ,karena hatiku bergetar saat disampingmu, Kau berdiri di dekatku, aku menunduk malu menyembunyikan rona bahagiaku... Kau pegang ubun-ubunku,seraya berdo'a untuk kebaikan watakku dan mohon perlindungan dari kejahatan watakku... Lalu kau tuntun jemari tangan ini, mengajakku Sholat bersama memohon Barakah dan Keharmonisan kepada Allah Ta'ala sehingga tidak ada kebencian yang tersisa di hati kita... Wahai suamiku,,, Sungguh aku mecintaimu,doaku juga terucap kala itu... Aku ingin dengan Pernikahan yang Barakah ini semakin hari kau semakin Sayang ketika memandangku... Sehingga akupun merasakan getaran Cinta yang semakin mendalam kala memandangi wajahmu. Saat cinta ini menjadi HALAL... Kuharap akulah yang Tercantik dalam hatimu... Ya..Biarlah hanya aku yang Tercantik dalam hatimu.. Tercantik tidak hanya untuk saat ini, Ketika wajahku masih berbalut make-up... Tapi juga tercantik untuk nanti, Ketika wajahku berselimut kerut karena termakan oleh senja... Ya Allah, Berikan jodoh yang terbaik bagi yang menantikan, Jadikanlah pernikahannya yang barakah, rumahtangga yang sakinah, mawaddah, wa rohmah, keturunan yang soleh dan solehah Jangan terlahir dari kami keturunan yang durhaka... Aamiin ya Rabb.. ღღ ANA UHIBUKA LADZI AHBABTANI LAHUUღღ

may ALLAH gives u HIS best care....

sejak suamiku kurang sihat, hatiku ingin sekali berada di sisinya... berjauhan dalam keadaan begini, sungguh membuat hatiku rindu sekali untuk menjaganya siang dan malam..

i wish i can see u my dear...

i miss u very much... get well soon..

i will always miss u...

yaALLAH, kurniakan kekuatan untuk diriku.... tabahkanlah aku..

ganyang AEDES!!!

selepas berpisah that day, he went back home. that night he SMS me saying that the fever spiked again. that was expected. me myself took care of him, and i saw his fever on and off. ALLAH, please take care of him.. i wish i were beside him again that night so that i can help to reduce the temperature meskipun hanya dengan cara tuam dengan air suam.

i asked him to eat some food and take two tablets of PCM that i gave him. and also ask him to apply the coolfever patch. he did those. from my place which about 70km apart, i prayed to ALLAH please take care of him. why do i really worried are because he lives with his friends in dengue-prone area. some of his friends do got dengue fever several times. and i noticed some red spots on his body last night. that why i ask him to get blood test on third day of fever.

the next day, in the morning, he message me saying that the fever still high. and he get worse. that time i was so busy preparing my class with dato' (our faculty dean). i left my residential college for hospital at 7.15, bcoz dato' wants us to be in the ward at 7.30. when he SMS me, i just can reply him "im in the ward,i ll cntct u later" . then i was only manage to make a call for him in the noon. his voice sounds 'feverish' but he claimed that he's getting better. im not really happy with that news because the fever usually spiked at night(nocturnal variation). i wish i can take care of him.

that night when i was in the ward doing my 'over-time' , he rang me ask how was i doing. mcm nak tanya2 khabar2 gitula.. biasala suami isteri berjauhan ni, cinta yang mekar lebih sikit. huu.. then i asked about his condition. he claimed that his fever getting better but there were generlized rashes throughout his body which was described as red spots.

on and off fever, body aches, nausea, rashes ... all these features may suggest dengue fever. plus he came from dengue-prone area.

today, he rang me. he said he was in Hospital Klang that time. Doctor did blood test to him and the doctor suspected him DEMAM DENGGI! i was shock but not shock.. u know what i mean... i suspected earlier than that. it's just i can do nothing for him. his platelet that time 159, still ok, but it can drop to below 100 on subsequent days. the doctor asked him to come again tomorrow for another blood test. i wish i can do venopuncture to him by myself. i wish i can interprete the result for him. but what can i do... i am miles away from him... ya ALLAH, kau jagalah suamiku, KAU tahu ya ALLAH , Kau pinjamkan dia kepadaku sebagai sokongan kekuatan untuk diriku.KAU jagalah dia untukku ya ALLAH..sesungguhnya aku tdk mampu.... ya ALLAH, kami hamba yang lemah.. ampunilah dosa kami ya ALLAH.. jadikan kami hamba2MU yang bertaqwa.. amiin...

abang, please be healthy for me.. i need u...

my love got sick...

10 april 2012 - hari ini selasa, kelasku seperti biasa, bermula jam 8 mesti berada di ward mempelajari pelbagai perkara daripada pesakit. kemudian selepas zohor meneruskan kelas di another campus. dat day end at 6 pm. my colleagues and I performed Asar prayer before we went back home. as the driver, i was hoping the traffic wont be very busy. but it didnt seem to be as i wished. we were stuck in the bloody busy traffic. kakiku lenguh perkara number dua, perkara pertama dalam kebimbanganku ialah keadaan keretaku. kereta lama pemberian ayah ini sbnrnya agak 'manja' . aku pastinya tak mahu ia dilasakkan oleh kesesakan trafik. namun alhamdulillah, we reached at our residential college at about 7.10pm. sampai sahaja ke bilik aku menguruskan apa yang patut. lipat baju yang baru diangkat ke ampaian, update kerja dan lain2. kedua dua kakiku terasa lenguh dan berdenyut denyut. namun hatiku lebih berdenyut denyut terkenangkan suamiku yang sudah agak lama kami tdk bersua. kata orang, sehari bagaikan setahun. suamiku ada meeting pd malam ini. maka aku takkan dapat jumpa dia kalau aku ke shah alam awal sekalipun. takpela, ia memberi peluang untuk aku merehatkan kaki. lebih kurang jam 10 aku bergerak ke shah alam menjemput suamiku sebelum kami sama2 bertolak balik ke putrajaya. alhamdulillah. i was quite tired that day, but after looking at my hubby's face, i could feel the tranquility... seems like all my tiredness gone... ALLAH MAHA BESAR.. DIA empunya segala nikmat.... DIA meminjamkan kepadaku nikmat dunia ini supaya aku menjadi orang2 yg bersyukur..

dat night we spent time together, exchanged the stories and all news about our families... long time not meeting each other, too many things to talk about. laugh together, discuss together, eat together... dat night at about 1.30pm he woke up and went to toilet. by the time he came back to me, he said "sayang, abang rasa nak demam" . "iye?" dalam gelap aku meletakkan belakang tanganku ke ats dahinya, panas. i switch on the light. i can see his face looked ill, he wrapped his arm around his chest. he was in cold. after asking him several questions about his condition, i decided to do tepid sponging to him with warm water. i wipe his body with warm water to make the heat vapourized via the skin. this thoery i learnt in medical school. i made him ate butterscotch bread and two tablets paracetamol (500mg x 2 = 1000mg , adult dosage.) after a while, his temperature seems subsided. alhamdulillah. but the next morning, his fever spiked again. i did ask his permission from him to buy coolfever but he refused to let me go and claimed that he was ok. then i prepare our breakfast becoz he need to eat another PCM tablets. then i fall aslept as i lost my sleeping hours that previous night. about 11am i woke up and examine his condition. his fever looked like still the same. but this time his condition looked better. he want to fulfill my wish to perform our zohor prayer in MASJID BESI, putrajaya. he woke up and took bath. he was really looked better than before. as he looked more energetic, so i was confident to make him drive. he also claimed that he was OK.

then, we performed our zohor prayer in MASJIS BESI. sebaik habis solat, kami menuju ke kereta. this moment, he started to complaint again about his fever. he felt dizzy sebaik sahaja dia masuk ke tempat pemandu. aku memastikan lagi, adakah dia OK untuk drive. he admit that he cant. then we exchange our position. i drove him to nearest kedai makan as both of us were hungry. from my driver seat, i could see he was shivering. he close his eyes. im pretty sure his fever worsen. after makan, i drove back home. i drove as fast as i could. i want him to take his best rest for his condition. i need to make him eat antipyretic to reduce his temperature. but dalam perjalanan, aku terdengar bunyi bising dari bawah kereta, it was like kipas yang berpusing dengan sangat bising. both of us can smell the burned odour. slowly we reached home. as his fever spiked sky high, so i told him to looked the car condition lain kali. he just follow. when we reached home at level 13, dia terus rebahkan diri ke tilam, he looked weak. i made him took another two tablets of PCM before he went to sleep. while he was sleeping, i did tepid sponging to help him reduce the fever. he felt cold and cannot stand the speed 4 of ceiling fan. i turned it to speed 1. (to be honest, i was bloody sweating but he still claimed that he felt cold. typical fever condition). that evening i prepared our dinner. he ate alot alhamdulillah. after isya', he ate another tablets and i paste his forehead with coolfever patch. i looked after him that whole night. i tried to sleep as he asked me to sleep beside him, but i couldnt. that time i guess it was because of feeling hot. then after he looked sleeping, i took one blanket and tried to have a sleep at the sofa with fan speed of 5. but still i cant sleep. my mind cant stop thinking. thinking about many things. i opened my books , i tried to focus, but i cant.

then i took up my blanket and went to the room again. he saw me approaching him. i knew he was also couldnt sleep becoz of the fever. i continue the tepid sponging. he looked into my eyes without a word. i looked back into his eyes and ask him "kenapa abang tengok ji macam tu?" . he replied "terima kasih sayang." "kenapa bang? kenapa mesti terima kasih dengan ji?" . "abang beruntung kahwin dengan ji. isteri solehah. kalau bukan isteri solehah takkan jaga suami dia macam ni." . i fall into pin drop silent. i was speechless. deep in my heart, i know im not a good wife, im not good, im no one, i have nothing. the one that should be thankful is me. im so lucky marrying him. such a very understanding and good companion.. i was not as good as he was. and still im not good as good as he is. dulu, aku pernah diuji ALLAH, sehingga aku tertekan dan hubungan aku dengan ALLAH juga teruji. aku malah belum pulih sepenuhnya untuk menjadi isteri terbaik buatnya. terlalu banyak yang aku fikir malam itu. aku juga bimbang jika apa2 berlaku kepadanya, bagaimana keadaan diriku. sedangkan dialah sumber kekuatan aku buat masa ini. selain ALLAH, dia lah teman aku meluahkan kebimbangan, teman tempat aku bercerita, teman yang memahami segala masalah, tekanan dan suka duka ku. yang menerima aku seadanya. yang sangat memahami diriku. dua hari dia sakit, i feel lonely. i just can watch him, take care of him. i want him to be healthy. i need him. i know why ALLAH sent him in my life. it is because ALLAH knows best what i need... i need him.. can u please be healthy for me.. i need u my dear..

air mataku bergenang. aku menutup kelopak mataku agar air mataku tdk keluar. aku mengukir senyuman buatnya. tanganku masih membasahkan badannya dengan tuala lembap. but i cant hold my tears. lastly, he can feel the 'aura'. he asked me why did i cried? i cannot tell him even a single word.. he keep apologizing me for anything wrong he had done. tapi aku hanya mampu menggelengkan kepala. emosiku terlalu kuat waktu itu, aku x mampu bersuara. lastly, aku mengumpul kekuatan untuk memberitahunya, "abang, ji takut apa2 jadi lepas ni. ji tak kuat." . he pulled me and wrapped me in his arm. dia memberi sedikit nasihat ringkas untuk kekuatan diriku. alhamdulillah..

the next morning, his fever still the same. he promised me to send me to my campus with public transport. but we need to wait until he get better. alhamdulillah, ALLAH maha kuasa. that noon, he feel better. lepas solat zohor kami bersiap untuk berpisah buat sementara waktu. kami mengambil bas nadiputra dari presint 5 ke putrajaya sentral di presint 9. kemudian kami naik ERL ke KL sentral, dar KL sentral kami menaiki KTM ke taman wahyu. dr taman wahyu, kami menaiki teksi ke kampus ku. selepas aku turun di kampus, dia kembali ke KTM taman wahyu untuk pulang ke shah alam.

suamiku ini, berasal dari keluarga yang agak senang berbanding keluargaku. mungkin suamiku ini sebelum mengambil aku sebagai tanggungjawabnya, jarang merasa susah. aku yang meminta untuk dipercepatkan perkahwinan kami. dan kadangkala aku merasa bersalah apabila melihat kesulitan yang dia hadapi dalam menjaga diriku. semoga ALLAH memberi rahmatNYA ke ats suamiku, mengurniakannya rezeki yang baik dan kesihatan yang baik, amin.. namun, jika disingkap hikmahnya, kesulitan yang kami sama2 lalui sebenarnya mengeratkan kasih sayang kami.. alhamdulillah...

baitul muslimku...

saat2 mengenali suamiku lebih kurang dua tahun lalu, masih segar dalam ingatanku. to be exact its not really dua tahun, it was about almost 5 years ago. i know his existence when i was in foundation (belum lagi degree). dat time we attended the same program(he was in his first year degree dat time).but he did not notice me at all. its not i 'usha' him. it was becoz he was quite extroverted that time. even the boys brought him up. the girls lagi la talk about him. but i think he is not the person who like to be talked about. he's quite shy especially to girls. as he didnt notice my existence at all, and me myself should not think more about him, so i just ignore about him. he was to me just like any other boys. not more than that. (yela, siapala aku).

two years later, i attend a meeting of our persatuan in university. he was the chairperson/chairman of the society dat time. he organized the meetings and programs with the help of all the committees including me. but i was no one at that time, even he cant remember my name eventhough has been 'taaruf'ed during the first meeting. he was not really care about girls (looked like that la..). my friend that time was his assistant. then the whole semester we run the programs and focus on the mission of the society. alhamdulillah, till then it was our last program for that semester. that night, we had our class with ustaz. the day after was my end of module examination (dat time mujahadah jugala, nak p kelas ke nak study huhu). then it just end like that.

tomorrow morning, just before i sat for the exam, my friend (who was his assistant) PM me. she said "ji, amir tanya nama ji" . i was stunned that time. 'yaALLAH, ujian apakah ini yaALLAH' i was thinking. but just becoz i was only at the corner for the exam, so i just tried to ignore it. i told her "just tell him, he will know one day if ALLAH wants him to know" . then i entered the exam hall.

the reason why i tried to ignore his request are :
1. aku malu dengan sahabatku yang menjadi orang tengah itu.
2. aku bimbang aku salah faham niatnya bertanyakan namaku pada sahabtku. maka bertindak neutral adalah lebih selamat.
3. aku baru sahaja menolak satu lamaran ke atasku. namun yang membimbangkan aku ialah aku terdengar ura2 yang mengatakan ayahku mempunyai salon untuk dipadankan denganku.
4. aku malu dengan ALLAH, aku ini hamba yang berdosa, aku x layak untuk didampingi atau mendampingi muslimin yang baik sepertinya.

hampir seminggu juga aku melupakan perkara itu. aku berjaya mengatakan pada hatiku itu hanyalah permainan dunia. anggaplah ia satu persinggahan yang akan pergi dan mungkin akan berulang dengan watak yang lain pula.

seminggu kemudia sahabatku datang ke bilikku. katanya saudara amir keep asking her ttg namaku, she did refuse to answer but then she felt stress. amir said to her , "saudari jangan salah faham, saya bertanyakan namanya dengan niat yang baik. saya ingin merisiknya seterusnya melamarnya dengan cara yang mulia" . then my friend told him my name. but she also told him "tetapi kalau itu niat saudaram setahu saya, kawan saya hazirah tu dah dilamar seseorang. tapi saya tak tahu la status sekarang, sbb hari tu dia tanya pendapat sy ttg satu lamaran ke atasnya" . i was told dat akhi amir sangat terkejut that time. he asked my friend to ask me either i accept the proposal or not. but my friend refuse as she said it was not her task/job to do that. she ask him to ask me himself. (the only thing he knows about me is my name told by my friend, how can he contact me to ask that? huhu).

day by day, i tried to not thinking about him. tapi jiwa aku rasa x tenang. sedangkan masa tu banyak masa aku habiskan bersendirian di surau. aku cuba untuk meneutralkan hati, memfokuskan perhatianku pada hubungan aku dengan ALLAH, tetapi seperti ada yang tak tenang dalam diriku. aku masih terfikirkan lamaran terbaru itu. aku terfikir, adakah dengan menerima lamaran ini bermakna aku tidak lagi perlu menolak lamaran selepas ini, krn pastinya tdk ada yang mengkhitbah atas khitbah saudaranya. then i did istikharah for about one week. at the end of the week, i decided to tell the whole story to an alumni whom i know him well in his undergraduate years. i consult him for the issue. alhamdulillah, he was so happy and that night dia terus arrange perjumpaan dgn akhi amir. i was quite terkejut dan takut dengan 'agresif'nya abang itu.

dia menjadi orang tengah kami, dipendekkan cerita, satu pertemuan diatur sebagai majlis taaruf untuk kami. di situlah segala2nya bermula. dengan hanya sekali taaruf, kami terus membuat keputusan untuk mengikat pertunangan. it was happen after my professional exam year 2. both my parents merestui calon suamiku.

the next semester, i was in sungai buloh campus doing/starting my clinical years. he was in shah alam doing his final year. we did our own business. we didnt meet, we didnt talk. i even was not a friend of him in social network. one day he decided to tell his parents about me. his parents were so eager to know me. they asked him for my photos but he did not has one. he was so shy to ask me for my photo. till one day he asked me to send an emel of my photo to his mum. but i used my own way, i put a photo of mine on my blog and i sent him the link. then he sent his mother the link. i still remember his mother's compliment that time "wah! anna althafunnisa'. i guess she is the right person for u my son!" . he forward to me his mother's SMS. i was speechless that time. by right, im no one actually...

the same thing went to my parents. both of them very eager about my future husband. selalu je suruh aku invite datang rumah. mereka xtau kami ni sangat malu sesama sendri. and his mum also used to ask him many questions about me. but almost all the questions couldnt be answered by him. how can we know each other. we were so busy with our commitments in university yet we were very9999x shy each other.. huhu..

then to make things easier and simple, we decided to get married. padaku, jika akhlaknya yang baik itu blh dijadikan mahar pernikahan, itu sudah memadai bagiku, tdk perlu harta melimpah ruah, cukuplah agama yang ada pada dirinya, yang akan menjaga kami sekeluarga dunia akhirat. untuk muslimah bekerjaya sepertiku, apa lagi yang aku harapkan dari seorang suami, selain akhlaknya untuk memahami mehnah kerjayaku, untuk membimbing keluragaku, untuk memastikan kesibukan kami sekeluarga tak membawa kami jauh daripada landasan hidup beragama. my mother said, kami x kisah apa bentuk pun mas kahwinnya, asalkan cukup syarat sah nikah. ada mas kahwin. jika alquran sebiji pun xpe. tak perlu hantaran. alhamdulillah, aku bersyukur kerana dikurniakan ibu bapa yang faham prinsip agama dalam hal ini.

to be exact , for the whole one and a half year of engagement, we only met 5 times. 3 times in front of parents, and two times in front of brothers and sahabat (sbb masa tu my dad sibuk je minta tlg dia tengokkan keretaku yang rosak. tp syukurlah, if not mau nye reput macam tu je keretaku.. huhu... aku malu nak mtk tlg boys..)

then we got married on 24th january 2012. saat ijab kabul itu sah, hanya ALLAH yang tahu perasaaanku. di hadapanku ketika itu seorang pemuda yang sah bergelar suamiku. yang akan menjagaku sepanjang hayatnya/hayatku. insyaALLAH. di hadapanku ketika itu seorang pemuda yang masih banyak aku perlu tahu tentang dirinya, masih banyak yang aku perlu belajar ttg dirinya. aku bangga kerana kami berjaya menjaga hubungan kami sebelum nikah. pastinya selepas itu bermulalah banyak perkara ttg diri kami. aku mulai belajar mencintai dan dicintai oleh seseorang yang sah bergelar suami. alhamdulillah... then started the life long journey. enjoy the challenges!

masih aku ingat masa makan pada hari akad nikah tu, kami duduk agak jarak sehingga ditegur makcik, kenapa kami duk jauh. jawab suamiku, "belum biasa lagi" . hehe. nasib baik dia tlg jawabkan. petang tersebut kami hantar adikku ke MRSM kota putera. dan malam tu kami makan kat luar. luang masa di luar memberi kami lebih masa untuk menyambung perkenalan kami. betul tekaan aku, sebaik sampai di rumah, orang2 di rumah berkumpul di depan TV. kalau kami berada di rumah hari tu, x banyak yang kami blh berborak berdua. esoknya , kami menziarahi sanak saudara....

berkahwin sewaktu masih dalam pengajian dan suami ku pula baru sahaja habis pengajian pastinya ada pahit manisnya tersendiri. tapi selagi kita baik dengan ALLAH, ALLAH bantu kita harungi setiap detik dalam hidup kita, alhamdulillah... =)

5 hari selepas bergelar suami isteri, kami berpisah untuk komitmen masing2. dia perlu kembali ke shah alam untuk meneruskan perjuangannya sebagai individu muslim, masih perlu menghadiri pelbagai temuduga tawaran kerja sementara menunggu keputusan semester akhirnya.. manakala aku pula pulang ke selayang, kembali meneruskan komitmen sebagai pelajar tahun empat fakulti perubatan... alhamdulillah... anything happen to me, i will just ring my husband.. and he will come to selayang as fast as the flash light.. hehe . kan senang ada suami!!! hehe. alhamdulillah...