10 april 2012 - hari ini selasa, kelasku seperti biasa, bermula jam 8 mesti berada di ward mempelajari pelbagai perkara daripada pesakit. kemudian selepas zohor meneruskan kelas di another campus. dat day end at 6 pm. my colleagues and I performed Asar prayer before we went back home. as the driver, i was hoping the traffic wont be very busy. but it didnt seem to be as i wished. we were stuck in the bloody busy traffic. kakiku lenguh perkara number dua, perkara pertama dalam kebimbanganku ialah keadaan keretaku. kereta lama pemberian ayah ini sbnrnya agak 'manja' . aku pastinya tak mahu ia dilasakkan oleh kesesakan trafik. namun alhamdulillah, we reached at our residential college at about 7.10pm. sampai sahaja ke bilik aku menguruskan apa yang patut. lipat baju yang baru diangkat ke ampaian, update kerja dan lain2. kedua dua kakiku terasa lenguh dan berdenyut denyut. namun hatiku lebih berdenyut denyut terkenangkan suamiku yang sudah agak lama kami tdk bersua. kata orang, sehari bagaikan setahun. suamiku ada meeting pd malam ini. maka aku takkan dapat jumpa dia kalau aku ke shah alam awal sekalipun. takpela, ia memberi peluang untuk aku merehatkan kaki. lebih kurang jam 10 aku bergerak ke shah alam menjemput suamiku sebelum kami sama2 bertolak balik ke putrajaya. alhamdulillah. i was quite tired that day, but after looking at my hubby's face, i could feel the tranquility... seems like all my tiredness gone... ALLAH MAHA BESAR.. DIA empunya segala nikmat.... DIA meminjamkan kepadaku nikmat dunia ini supaya aku menjadi orang2 yg bersyukur..
dat night we spent time together, exchanged the stories and all news about our families... long time not meeting each other, too many things to talk about. laugh together, discuss together, eat together... dat night at about 1.30pm he woke up and went to toilet. by the time he came back to me, he said "sayang, abang rasa nak demam" . "iye?" dalam gelap aku meletakkan belakang tanganku ke ats dahinya, panas. i switch on the light. i can see his face looked ill, he wrapped his arm around his chest. he was in cold. after asking him several questions about his condition, i decided to do tepid sponging to him with warm water. i wipe his body with warm water to make the heat vapourized via the skin. this thoery i learnt in medical school. i made him ate butterscotch bread and two tablets paracetamol (500mg x 2 = 1000mg , adult dosage.) after a while, his temperature seems subsided. alhamdulillah. but the next morning, his fever spiked again. i did ask his permission from him to buy coolfever but he refused to let me go and claimed that he was ok. then i prepare our breakfast becoz he need to eat another PCM tablets. then i fall aslept as i lost my sleeping hours that previous night. about 11am i woke up and examine his condition. his fever looked like still the same. but this time his condition looked better. he want to fulfill my wish to perform our zohor prayer in MASJID BESI, putrajaya. he woke up and took bath. he was really looked better than before. as he looked more energetic, so i was confident to make him drive. he also claimed that he was OK.
then, we performed our zohor prayer in MASJIS BESI. sebaik habis solat, kami menuju ke kereta. this moment, he started to complaint again about his fever. he felt dizzy sebaik sahaja dia masuk ke tempat pemandu. aku memastikan lagi, adakah dia OK untuk drive. he admit that he cant. then we exchange our position. i drove him to nearest kedai makan as both of us were hungry. from my driver seat, i could see he was shivering. he close his eyes. im pretty sure his fever worsen. after makan, i drove back home. i drove as fast as i could. i want him to take his best rest for his condition. i need to make him eat antipyretic to reduce his temperature. but dalam perjalanan, aku terdengar bunyi bising dari bawah kereta, it was like kipas yang berpusing dengan sangat bising. both of us can smell the burned odour. slowly we reached home. as his fever spiked sky high, so i told him to looked the car condition lain kali. he just follow. when we reached home at level 13, dia terus rebahkan diri ke tilam, he looked weak. i made him took another two tablets of PCM before he went to sleep. while he was sleeping, i did tepid sponging to help him reduce the fever. he felt cold and cannot stand the speed 4 of ceiling fan. i turned it to speed 1. (to be honest, i was bloody sweating but he still claimed that he felt cold. typical fever condition). that evening i prepared our dinner. he ate alot alhamdulillah. after isya', he ate another tablets and i paste his forehead with coolfever patch. i looked after him that whole night. i tried to sleep as he asked me to sleep beside him, but i couldnt. that time i guess it was because of feeling hot. then after he looked sleeping, i took one blanket and tried to have a sleep at the sofa with fan speed of 5. but still i cant sleep. my mind cant stop thinking. thinking about many things. i opened my books , i tried to focus, but i cant.
then i took up my blanket and went to the room again. he saw me approaching him. i knew he was also couldnt sleep becoz of the fever. i continue the tepid sponging. he looked into my eyes without a word. i looked back into his eyes and ask him "kenapa abang tengok ji macam tu?" . he replied "terima kasih sayang." "kenapa bang? kenapa mesti terima kasih dengan ji?" . "abang beruntung kahwin dengan ji. isteri solehah. kalau bukan isteri solehah takkan jaga suami dia macam ni." . i fall into pin drop silent. i was speechless. deep in my heart, i know im not a good wife, im not good, im no one, i have nothing. the one that should be thankful is me. im so lucky marrying him. such a very understanding and good companion.. i was not as good as he was. and still im not good as good as he is. dulu, aku pernah diuji ALLAH, sehingga aku tertekan dan hubungan aku dengan ALLAH juga teruji. aku malah belum pulih sepenuhnya untuk menjadi isteri terbaik buatnya. terlalu banyak yang aku fikir malam itu. aku juga bimbang jika apa2 berlaku kepadanya, bagaimana keadaan diriku. sedangkan dialah sumber kekuatan aku buat masa ini. selain ALLAH, dia lah teman aku meluahkan kebimbangan, teman tempat aku bercerita, teman yang memahami segala masalah, tekanan dan suka duka ku. yang menerima aku seadanya. yang sangat memahami diriku. dua hari dia sakit, i feel lonely. i just can watch him, take care of him. i want him to be healthy. i need him. i know why ALLAH sent him in my life. it is because ALLAH knows best what i need... i need him.. can u please be healthy for me.. i need u my dear..
air mataku bergenang. aku menutup kelopak mataku agar air mataku tdk keluar. aku mengukir senyuman buatnya. tanganku masih membasahkan badannya dengan tuala lembap. but i cant hold my tears. lastly, he can feel the 'aura'. he asked me why did i cried? i cannot tell him even a single word.. he keep apologizing me for anything wrong he had done. tapi aku hanya mampu menggelengkan kepala. emosiku terlalu kuat waktu itu, aku x mampu bersuara. lastly, aku mengumpul kekuatan untuk memberitahunya, "abang, ji takut apa2 jadi lepas ni. ji tak kuat." . he pulled me and wrapped me in his arm. dia memberi sedikit nasihat ringkas untuk kekuatan diriku. alhamdulillah..
the next morning, his fever still the same. he promised me to send me to my campus with public transport. but we need to wait until he get better. alhamdulillah, ALLAH maha kuasa. that noon, he feel better. lepas solat zohor kami bersiap untuk berpisah buat sementara waktu. kami mengambil bas nadiputra dari presint 5 ke putrajaya sentral di presint 9. kemudian kami naik ERL ke KL sentral, dar KL sentral kami menaiki KTM ke taman wahyu. dr taman wahyu, kami menaiki teksi ke kampus ku. selepas aku turun di kampus, dia kembali ke KTM taman wahyu untuk pulang ke shah alam.
suamiku ini, berasal dari keluarga yang agak senang berbanding keluargaku. mungkin suamiku ini sebelum mengambil aku sebagai tanggungjawabnya, jarang merasa susah. aku yang meminta untuk dipercepatkan perkahwinan kami. dan kadangkala aku merasa bersalah apabila melihat kesulitan yang dia hadapi dalam menjaga diriku. semoga ALLAH memberi rahmatNYA ke ats suamiku, mengurniakannya rezeki yang baik dan kesihatan yang baik, amin.. namun, jika disingkap hikmahnya, kesulitan yang kami sama2 lalui sebenarnya mengeratkan kasih sayang kami.. alhamdulillah...
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